Pieces of the Puzzle

Life has always been made up of pieces. Pieces to this puzzle of what things really, truly are. After time passes, we learn what things were, what things meant.
I've had all these pieces, some I didn't even knew that I knew about. Pieces that explained somethings. Today, a friend of mine said something that brought it all around. We've always been taught that the answers to our prayers come through other people. She just said the plain truth, something that I was so oblivious to at the time. But at that moment, I received another "piece to the puzzle". After thinking about it, I realized that I had always known the outcome of the puzzle.
The last time I thought I knew the puzzle it blew up in my face and I didn't want that to happen again. This time it was staring me in the face. I've always been able to see what's in front of others. Then again, everyone is kind of like that. You can see what's in front of others, but not yourself.
Even after realizing the outcome of the puzzle, I still don't regret the things that I've done in my past. But I did wonder if the outcome is still going to be the same as it seemed to happen. But that's when you realize that the puzzle is bigger than what it seems.
I'm probably not making too much sense. But looking at things from a bigger picture you can see how everything comes together. The one thing that I do know though is that we still have our agency to choose what it is we're going to do. That's the nice thing about being able to pray about something to know what to do.
I'm not so worried about what has happened, but what to do next. Should I go to Idaho now or wait until next year? Or how about trying to break it to my folks that I'm not going on a mission? I know why, but right now, that's between me and the Lord.
Life definitely gets more complicated as you get older. I think that as I know what might possibly happen, it would probably be better for me to stay here, in Colorado, and work. As much as I don't enjoy it here. But I'll probably take some time off after I finish my finals and go to Idaho for about two weeks. I can do homework parties with my friends, go to classes with my friends, go to Devo with them, get things straightened out for next year. Probably talk to the teacher in charge of my online English class cause heaven knows I'm most likely going to need some help with it.
Still have tons of homework! But I do truly believe that if we take a step back and ask the Lord to make things a bit clearer, we'll be able to see things in a way we never have before! I can tell you this: in the next two years, my life is going to change dramatically! I can't wait!
XOXOXO

So Small

So Austin and Devin are going to the Mero's soon. They're all leaving tomorrow to take Hannah to school in Idaho. I'm excited for them to go, but the house, already, feels somewhat empty. But I'm sure that'll feel that way again after Austin's gone on his mission.
I noticed tonight and lately, I've barricaded myself in my room once again. It's been a while since.
Austin's reached the age where he realizes that the things he sometimes says can hurt people's feelings. Devin hasn't reached that yet, and Caden's soon following behind. With Devin's I-don't-care-what-people-think attitude, it'll be hard to determine if he'll ever reach that age or point in his life.
Sad to say, but I've found that I'm a better person when I'm not around them. Everyone protects themselves in different ways. Me? I barricade myself away from everyone, and tend to push people away. Afraid that if I open up, I'll get hurt. I'm sure that Devin can see the hurt in my eyes because he's constantly telling me to 'man it up'. I hate to break it to you but I'm not a man. I'm a woman.
I'm almost 20. I've hit 'the stage' where I don't really feel like I can talk to my parents.

At school in my New Testament class we made a chart of sorts (that I really wish I had copied down!) about all the different ways you can talk with Heavenly Father. Rated at the smallest things of prayer and the Holy Ghost to the really big things like Joseph Smith's first vision - talking to the Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ face to face. I highly remember looking at that list and looking at where my "talks" with Heavenly Father. It was about one or two away from Joseph's first vision. Bro. Anderson then circled the latter part of the chart and asked if anyone has experienced any of them and would like to share. I don't like sharing parts of me to people I really don't know, even then, to people I do know. But I felt prompted to do so. Though to this day and forever, I may never know why it was that I was supposed to share that highly sacred personal experience with the class, but I don't regret it.
Not long after that experience, I experienced another highly sacred personal experience. I've noticed that every experience from/with the Lord, I can look back and recognize him in it and remember every little detail despite the years that have passed. '
But this experience is one that has constantly brought me hope, and although it took me until this past week, but also perspective. Even just thinking about this remarkable experience brings wonderful, happy tears to my eyes. In this small moment, it gave me perspective to what's most important to me and what's on the horizon; what it is that I'm looking for; what I'm supposed to do now. But most importantly, some revelations are only meant for specific people's eyes. In other words, my parents have no idea what kind of glimpse I've been privileged to see and experienced. Not long later, I was reading my patriarchal blessing and I cried as it reassured that what I had seen and had planned in my life was right and true.
When I first tried to talk to my mom about what I had seen, she freaked! "That's not even an option right now!" she said.
This is all I can say about specific personal revelation:
If you have to ask, then you don't know.
If you continue to ask, then maybe you're not supposed to know.

Wow! This so reminds me of a Carrie Underwood song.